This Week's Focus

Investigate my life, O God
find out everything about me;
Cross-examine and test me,
get a clear picture of what I'm about;
See for yourself whether I've done anything wrong—
then guide me on the road to eternal life.

Psalm 139:23-24

Thursday, April 29, 2010

Day 4: Sponge days

My heart seems to be in an "extra absortant" mode :) ... Though we continue to read through the whole psalm, we have also been absorbing verses 1-5, which seem like an essay (maybe because that is what the kids have been immersed in in writing class). The first sentence/verse tells us a summary of what the next six are about: Lord, you have examined my heart and know everything about me. This opening statement establishes the fact that God has the power, authority and presence to view everything about me. Then the next several verses explain in detail just how present and how perceptive He is: when I sit, stand, think, am near, far, travel, rest, talk. It isn't really the specifics that are important, I think, but the emphasis that He is everywhere and He sees it all. The details give us an incomplete hint of his comprehensiveness.

The details would be a little scary if I wasn't also reading the entire Psalm... :)

All through the past couple of days, I have tried to be conscious of God looking at me when I do all those things. Literally, when I would sit down I'd think to myself, "God is watching me." When I stood, I'd think, "God sees me." When "traveling" (driving to Overland Park and back). It would work for awhile, then I would "slip out of consciousness" and fall back into doing life. Then I would work at remembering again. I've concluded God is far more constant in His awareness of me than I am of Him.

It is really cool to be ultra alert: THE GOD OF THIS UNIVERSE has his eyes on me every moment! How difficult it is to give Him the same attention! Even when I am really making an effort to focus on Him!

Just soaking all this in makes me feel special. I feel honored and flattered and amazed that He would want to look at me, know me, see me, be with me. I usually feel like I want to EARN that, or feel pressure to be smart, creative, interesting, interested, current, relevant, etc. How freeing and wonderful to just be enjoying this new realization that God really just wants to be with me.

I know also this is not just true for me, it is true for all people...